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Lawyer Jokes ... the "Actually Said in Trial" Edition


This attorney's nickname is Captain Obvious

Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also? 

Someone needs to take Biology 101

Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
A: I'll be three months on March 12th.
Q: Apparently then, the date of conception was around January 12th?
A: Yes.
Q: What were you doing at that time? 

Unless she's a cat ...

Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?
A: I used to be.
Q: How many times have you committed suicide? 

Fair question ... great answer

Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
A: Not yet. 

These people charge by the hour, folks ...

Q: What happened then?
A: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."
Q: Did he kill you? 

Say cheese (ball)!

Q: I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture?
A: That's me.
Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?